Adding more must = eating less….

OH MY GOD!

I just came back from a neighbors house. While I was there, I excused myself to use the bathroom. While I was in there…..I noticed a scale. Tempation. Usually, I make it a rule to NEVER step on a scale. Never. Why? Because, I look at the numbers. If I see a number I don’t like…I worry. It takes over me. Every thought of my day. The whole day.

Well…

 I broke my own rules. Just tonight.

And….I am SO not happy with myself.

WHAT THE FUCK!!! OH MY GOD! IS THIS REALLY TRUE?

I asked my neighbor if her scale is accurate. She told me it was.

HOLY SHIT!

I don’t think I have seen these numbers since I was pregnant.

I am so upset with myself to let it get this far. What is going on? How did this happen?

It must change. It will change. I have to change this. I can’t have this.

This is one of my biggest fears to reach a high weight. It’s a whole mess of reasons.

I don’t want to be a fat house wife! I want to be in control. I want to know what is going on. I WILL NOT BUY A BIGGER SIZE!

This will be changing as of NOW!

I don’t expect for anyone reading this to understand. And…frankly I don’t care..

I’ve been slacking. And..it’s stopping. I will use this for motovation. It will work. I will make it work.

I hope by the next time you see me…you will notice a difference.

I have a challenge. I am ready.

I’ve let myself down. I am very upset.

I’ve made myself a promise….and I broke it.

So much for self control.

I am disgusted.